Should I ask my ex to refinance a 26 yr old mortgage with a small remaining balance or leave it be

This is a really nuanced situation, and after 26 years of smooth sailing, it's worth thinking carefully before rocking the boat. You've clearly managed the arrangement well, qualifying for three mortgages despite this liability on your record — that's genuinely impressive and tells you something important about your financial health.

Here's the practical breakdown to help you decide:

The case FOR pushing the refinance now: With only $17,000 remaining, the DTI impact is minimal, but it still exists. If you're planning any major financial moves in the near future — buying property, seeking business financing, or even exploring owner financing arrangements on a land purchase — having that liability removed gives you cleaner paperwork and more flexibility. There's also the legal risk to consider: you're still technically responsible if he ever defaults, even after 26 years of on-time payments.

The case for leaving it alone: At $17k remaining, he's likely only 1-3 years from paying it off entirely depending on his payment schedule. Contacting an ex after 26 years of no contact carries emotional and logistical uncertainty. If the refinance conversation goes poorly or gets complicated, you could create friction that delays resolution longer than just waiting it out.

A middle-ground approach worth considering: You don't necessarily need to call him directly. A certified letter from a real estate attorney outlining the original divorce decree terms is a low-conflict way to formally reopen the issue. Many people respond more consistently to legal documentation than personal requests.

Also worth noting: if this property ever came up for sale — whether he wanted to sell land fast or liquidate the asset — your name on the mortgage would need to be resolved anyway. Buyers, whether paying cash or through traditional financing, require clean title and clear mortgage obligations. An as-is purchase or cash offer scenario wouldn't bypass that requirement. So getting ahead of it now is never a bad idea.

Ultimately, if you're financially stable and have no immediate plans requiring pristine DTI ratios, waiting out the remaining balance may be the path of least resistance. But if you're planning any significant financial moves soon, it may be worth the brief discomfort of addressing it now.

If you ever find yourself dealing with property decisions and want straightforward guidance on your options — including cash offers or flexible purchase arrangements — connecting with a knowledgeable real estate professional can make the process much less stressful.

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